Sit With It: A New Paradigm for Living

1. Free eBook PDF available: Sit With It eBook - PDF Version.pdf

2. Free ePub available: eBooks - ePub

3. Amazon Kindle version available: here

4. Listen to the YouTube audiobook: here

5. YouTube Explainer Videos 

6. Article on Buddhist Door 

This summarizes the key ideas presented in "Sit With It: A New Paradigm for Living." The book challenges the conventional pursuit of happiness and avoidance of discomfort, proposing a new way of living that acknowledges and embraces the full spectrum of human experience.

Main Themes:

• The Futility of Pleasure-Seeking: Society conditions us to seek constant happiness and avoid discomfort, creating a cycle of addiction and disappointment.

• The Importance of Listening to the Body: The body's sensations are not problems to be solved but messages to be heard. Repressed discomfort leads to more frantic thought-storms.

• Slowing the Life Wave: Through daily sitting practice, we can become more aware of the interplay between the intellect and the body, lessening our dependence on pleasure and increasing our tolerance for discomfort.

• The futility of pleasure-seeking: The pursuit of happiness and avoidance of discomfort leads to a frantic cycle of clinging to pleasurable experiences and repressing discomfort. This creates a "Life Wave" that keeps us trapped in suffering.

• The power of quiet sitting: Daily sitting can slow down the Life Wave by allowing us to feel and observe the body and its sensations, as well as the thoughts fetched by the intellect. This practice helps us to become less reactive to discomfort and break free from addictive patterns.

• Understanding the Trinity of Mind: The human mind is composed of three interconnected aspects: the Body, the Intellect, and the Observer. By understanding how these three aspects work together, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our experience of life.

Key Concepts:

• The Trinity of Mind: SWI proposes a model of the human mind consisting of three interacting components:

• The Intellect: A "loyal fetching dog" constantly retrieving thoughts and solutions from our stored knowledge base, often in a desperate attempt to solve the perceived problem of discomfort.

• The Body: A source of direct, non-rational intelligence communicating through sensations, often ignored or overridden by the intellect.

• The Observer: The "I" that experiences both the sensations of the body and the thoughts fetched by the intellect, possessing the free will to choose how to respond.

• The Life Wave: A visual representation of our experience, oscillating between pleasure and discomfort. The faster the wave, the more we suffer from confusion, addictive behaviors, and the "Thought-Storm."

• The Thought-Storm: A chaotic state where the Intellect goes into overdrive, bombarding us with thoughts and solutions in a futile attempt to eradicate discomfort. This is fueled by two false notions: "Unpleasant sensations are caused by unfortunate events and/or thoughts" and "Distress is unacceptable."

• The Sunshine: Represents a shift in perspective where we accept the full spectrum of the Life Wave and slow its oscillations. This doesn't mean achieving permanent happiness, but rather experiencing life as a qualitative tapestry, not a problem to solve.

Supporting Evidence & Quotes:

• The Intellect: "...The Intellect refers to a very specific mechanism within the Trinity of Mind. It is a storage and retrieval system for knowledge: the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and assumptions that we have collected throughout our lives."

• The Body: "The Body is the instrument of direct human experience. It absorbs sensory data from the world... The Body is a more reliable measure of one’s true state of being in any given situation."

• The Life Wave: "The faster our life wave becomes, the more we find ourselves in a state of confusion and suffering, overwhelmed by thoughts and sensations."

• The Thought-Storm: "So many of us are caught up in the thoughts storm that this has become an unacknowledged epidemic in modern society."

• The Sunshine: "In The Sunshine we realize that life is an experience, not a problem to solve."

Call to Action:

• Daily Sitting Practice: Dedicate a few minutes each day to sit quietly, observing the sensations of the body and the thoughts fetched by the intellect without judgment or resistance. Gradually increase the duration as you become more accustomed.

Benefits of Slowing the Wave:

• Reduced Dependence on Pleasure: We experience pleasure more effortlessly and without needing extremes.

• Increased Tolerance for Discomfort: We become more resilient and less reactive to life's challenges.

• Clarity and Focus: The Thought-Storm subsides, allowing for more presence and creative energy.

• Increased Empathy: Recognizing the shared human experience of the Life Wave fosters compassion and understanding.

"Sit With It" offers a powerful framework for shifting our relationship to ourselves and the world. By recognizing the limitations of the pleasure-seeking paradigm and learning to listen to the wisdom of the body, we can cultivate a life of greater peace, acceptance, and authentic happiness. As Alexander invites us, "Find out for yourself."

Notable Ideas:

1. The Flawed Status Quo:

• False Assumption: "If we are undisturbed by negativity, we will experience a state of happiness, tranquility, and peace." This assumption leads to the belief that unpleasant sensations are a problem to be solved, rather than a natural part of life.

• Cycle of Suffering: This flawed paradigm creates a constant cycle of chasing pleasure and avoiding discomfort, leading to a state of dissatisfaction and suffering.

• Quote: "We are a culture obsessed with the pursuit of happiness and the avoidance of discomfort. Our lives are centered around compulsive pleasure-seeking activities."

2. The Trinity of Mind:

• The Body: A powerful intelligence that communicates through non-rational sensations and feelings.

• The Intellect: A storage and retrieval system for knowledge, constantly fetching thoughts and solutions.

• The Observer: The aspect of mind that we typically refer to as "I," observing the sensations of the body and thoughts fetched by the intellect.

• Quote: "Using subjective experience as a guide, I have observed that what I call “my mind” has three primary components. They interact with one another to create what I refer to as my conscious human experience."

3. The Thought-Storm:

• The Intellect's Overdrive: When faced with the "problem" of discomfort, the intellect goes into overdrive trying to find solutions, leading to a constant stream of thoughts, often disruptive and unhelpful.

• Thought-Storm Trap: The more we try to escape the thought-storm by seeking external solutions, the more trapped we become in a cycle of compulsive activity.

• Quote: "So many of us are caught up in the thoughts storm that this has become an unacknowledged epidemic in modern society."

4. The Sunshine:

• An Alternative Paradigm: Shifting our focus from the pursuit of pleasure to simply experiencing life, with all its ups and downs, allows us to tap into a deeper sense of peace and well-being.

• Not a Goal: The Sunshine is not a state to be achieved, but rather a way of being that arises naturally when we slow down the Life Wave.

• Quote: "In The Sunshine we realize that life is an experience, not a problem to solve."

5. The Practice of Sitting:

• Slowing the Wave: Daily quiet sitting allows us to feel the body and its sensations, observe our thoughts without judgment, and become less reactive to discomfort.

• Practical Steps: Find a quiet spot, sit comfortably, set a timer, close your eyes, observe your breath, feel the body, and return to the breath and body when distracted.

• No End Goal: Sitting is not about achieving a specific state, but simply about getting to know the body and mind more intimately.

• Quote: "Commit a few minutes every day to stop and listen to the body. Consider sitting a part of your daily hygiene routine, like brushing your teeth."

Key Takeaways:

• Our pursuit of happiness and avoidance of discomfort are driving us further away from true well-being.

• By understanding the Trinity of Mind, we can begin to observe our thoughts and sensations without judgment.

• The practice of quiet sitting can help us slow down the frantic cycle of pleasure-seeking and allow us to experience life more fully.

Call to Action:

• Explore the resources available on the Sit With It website and YouTube channel.

• Start a daily practice of quiet sitting, even for just a few minutes, and observe the impact it has on your life.

• Share this message with others who might be struggling with the same challenges.

• Quote: "Find out for yourself."

What is the "monkey mind" and why is that concept unhelpful?

The term "monkey mind" refers to the constant chatter of thoughts that can hijack our attention and lead to unhappiness, restlessness, and indecision. While the intention behind this concept is to encourage mindfulness, it can be unhelpful and even harmful because it frames our thoughts as something to be tamed or controlled. This sets up an adversarial relationship with our own minds, leading to frustration and a sense of failure when we inevitably can't silence our thoughts.

If I shouldn't try to tame my mind, what should I do instead?

Instead of trying to tame the so-called "monkey mind", the book Sit With It suggests understanding the mind as a trinity: the Body, the Intellect, and the Observer. The Intellect, responsible for fetching thoughts, is not a chaotic monkey but a loyal servant trying to solve our problems. The key is to shift our focus to the Body and its sensations, particularly the discomfort that arises when we sit quietly. This practice allows us to become aware of the Body's signals and our habitual reactions to them.

What is the Life Wave and how does it relate to my happiness?

The Life Wave describes the cyclical pattern of seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort that dominates our lives. This constant pursuit of happiness and avoidance of pain creates a wave-like pattern, with highs of pleasure followed by lows of discomfort. The faster this wave becomes, the more we feel overwhelmed by thoughts and sensations, leading to confusion and suffering.

How can sitting quietly help me break free from this cycle?

Sitting quietly, without distractions, is a practice that can slow down the Life Wave. By sitting and observing our thoughts and bodily sensations, we learn to become less reactive to discomfort and less reliant on external sources of pleasure. This practice is not about achieving a state of bliss or silencing our thoughts, but rather about cultivating a different relationship to our internal experience.

What is the Thought-Storm and how does it affect me?

The Thought-Storm is the state of mental overdrive that occurs when the Intellect, in its attempts to solve the problem of discomfort, fetches thoughts relentlessly, leading to a chaotic and overwhelming mental experience. This constant barrage of thoughts can interrupt our daily lives, disturb our sleep, and keep us trapped in a cycle of compulsive behavior.

Is there a way to escape the Thought-Storm and find lasting peace?

While we can't escape the Thought-Storm entirely, we can change our relationship to it by understanding that discomfort is not a problem to be solved. By shifting our focus to the present moment and accepting the sensations in our body, we can reduce the intensity of the Thought-Storm and create space for a different way of experiencing life.

What is The Sunshine and how can I reach it?

The Sunshine represents a shift in our relationship to life, where we no longer view it as a problem to be solved but as an experience to be lived. It is characterized by a sense of peace, acceptance, and a deeper connection to ourselves and the world around us. However, The Sunshine is not a goal to be achieved but a natural outcome of slowing down the Life Wave and shifting our attention inward.

What practical steps can I take to begin slowing down my Life Wave?

The book Sit With It recommends a daily practice of quiet sitting, starting with just a few minutes each day. Find a quiet place, set a timer, and simply observe the sensations in your body and the thoughts that arise. Don't judge or try to control your experience; simply be present with it. Over time, this practice can help you slow down your Life Wave, reduce your reliance on pleasure-seeking activities, and live a more fulfilling life.

Summary

Section: The Message

• A random encounter with a vagabond triggered the sudden understanding which became the message within this book.

Section: The Perspective Game

• Objective learning vs subjective experience and how one may relate to this text.

Section: Our Inheritance: Problems

• One’s fundamental views of the world are inherited from others - this includes specific thoughts that we mistakenly assume are our own. 

Section: Our Inheritance: The Big Questions & Solutions 

• We’ve inherited The Big Questions:

  • “How can I stay happy?”

  • “How can I avoid discomfort?”

  • “What is the meaning and purpose of life?”

• There is a better question that serves as a trojan horse, sneaking past all of our culture indoctrination to an inner truth:

  • What do I feel when I sit quietly without distractions? 

Section: The Trinity of Mind

• Using subjective experience as a guide, one can observe that “the mind” has three primary components. Sit With It calls these The Trinity of Mind:

  • The Intellect

    • A storage and retrieval system for knowledge: the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and assumptions that we have collected throughout our lives.

  • The Body

    • The instrument of direct human experience. The Body directs automatic processes and produces physical sensations.

  • The Observer

    • This is the ‘I’ that observes the sensations in The Body and the fetched ideas proposed by The Intellect. 

Section: The Status Quo

• We have all inherited an implicit false assumption: If we are undisturbed by negativity, we will experience a state of happiness, tranquility, and peace.

• Generation after generations of human beings have internalized these two false assumptions:

  • Unpleasant sensations are caused by unfortunate events and/or thoughts. 

  • Distress is unacceptable.

Section: The Car Alarm

• The Body’s alerts us when it senses physical danger, when it is ill or damaged, and when it is uncomfortable. Once alerted, we know where to place our attention. 

• By routinely avoiding unpleasant bodily sensations, we create a situation in which The Body’s alarm keeps sounding off in a plea for attention.

• We ignore The Body as if it were a blaring car alarm in a parking lot.

Section: The Demand for Pleasure

• Our relationships with the people, objects, and situations in our lives are warped by the demand for happiness and permanent pleasure.

• We’ve learned to avoid discomfort and use everything and everyone we can as a source of gratification. 

• The Life Wave diagram is introduced providing a visual representation of how this process happens.

Section: The Categories

• The Intellect fetches gratification from six categories, routinely using them to avoid inner discomfort:

  • Attention: Positive or even negative attention from family, romantic/sexual partners, co-workers, friends, strangers, pets can be a powerful source of pleasure.

  • Status Comparison: Feeling superiority due to knowledge, skills, abilities, societal accomplishments, material wealth, asceticism, physical attributes.

  • Intoxicants: Unbalanced relationships with food, sexual stimulation, drugs.

  • Emotional Coping: Drowning out inner wisdom by relying on pessimism, cynicism, anger, retaliation, complaining, escapism, self-pity, self-harm, long-term grief.

  • Distractions: Over reliance on shopping, altruism, knowledge collecting, experience collecting, work, physical training, media consumption.

  • Imaginary Time: Recalling past experiences and imagining future experiences (pleasurable and un-pleasurable).

Section: No Problem, Only Solutions

• The Intellect fetches knowledge from each of the categories in an attempt to answer The Big Questions.

• The Intellect is desperate to help us, but there is one simple fact standing in its way: There is no problem to solve.

• The distress signals in The Body are not a problem. These unpleasant sensations are The Body asking to be heard. The Body wants attention. 

• Much of our individual power is wasted on trying to solve The Body’s distress signals. 

Section: Riding The Life Wave

• Whenever a pleasure inducing activity is threatened or lost, we fall into our pre-existing, and ever-accumulating, reservoir of distress.

• Blinded by Status Quo thinking, we do not realize that we are actually falling into the very state that we started from.

Section: The Thought-Storm

• The Intellect goes into overdrive trying to find a solution to a non-existent problem and creates an entangled mishmash of thoughts, ideas, and possible solutions: The Thought-Storm.

• Adding to ourselves or our knowledge will not help us exit The Thought-Storm.

• The more you struggle and attempt to pull yourself out of The Thought-Storm, the more stuck you are.

Section: The Sunshine

• If we move towards and through our discomfort, we have the opportunity to discover a new way of relating to our lives: The Sunshine. 

• In The Sunshine, we realize that life is a dynamic experience, not a problem that needs to be figured out.

Section: Slow Your Wave

• Our lives are spent bouncing back and forth between distress and pleasure seeking. This behavior can be visualized as a high-frequency wave pattern, a Fast Wave.

• You can Slow Your Wave via deliberate and careful observation of discomfort within The Body and thoughts presented by The Intellect.

Section: Sit With It

• In order to Slow Your Wave, we must cultivate a transformative habit: Sit quietly without distractions once a day, every day.

• A daily routine of sitting quietly without distractions provides us with the opportunity to:

  • Fully feel The Body and its discomfort.

  • Observe and understand the thoughts that The Intellect fetches the most often.

  • Feel cravings for compulsive action.

  • Train The Intellect to fetch a daily reminder to sit, forming a habit.

• Sitting is a practical thing to do. There is nothing special, mystical, or spiritual about it. 

  • Sit every single day.

  • Start with 3 minutes a day. 

  • Add 3 minutes increments as you get accustomed.

Section: Moving Closer to Truth

• The transition from a Fast Wave to a Slow Wave is not necessarily fun or easy. When going inwards we peel back the layers of our cravings for permanent pleasure, and just like peeling the layers of an onion, this process can sting.

• Sitting is a form of exposure therapy. It is not a problem if you are uncomfortable or don’t feel well. It’s kind of the point.

• There is no end goal here; we simply get to know The Body a little bit more every day. 

Section: By-Products

• There are several by-products of daily sitting, which may open up a new experience of life. 

• These should not be made goals of sitting, but rather should be allowed to arise naturally over time.

• They include: 

  • The Big Questions don’t matter as much.

  • One experiences a quieter, more helpful, Intellect.

  • One senses true empathy, compassion, love, and unity underlying all aspects of one’s life.

Section: Courage

• Quiet sitting may seem like a passive thing to do, but in actuality it takes courage to sit while the rest of the world is spinning out of control. 

• While everyone is caught up in a storm of activity, the act of stopping and sitting quietly is a radical one.

• If you have the courage to Sit With It every day, this new way of living can arise organically.